As a society, we are increasingly aware of individuals who don’t identify the way they present in terms of gender and biological sex: by example, they have male genitalia but identify as a woman. These are folks who have historically resided at the margins of society; their lifestyle was taboo, or something that folks just didn’t acknowledge. Over the last decade or so though, things have begun to change, sometimes for the better. And in an effort to be more inclusive and accepting of individuals who don’t fall neatly within conventional gender categories, many institutions and high-status individuals (e.g. celebrities) have begun publicly affirming their pronouns. It is common these days to see pronouns affirmed in email signatures, Zoom calls, on name tags, and whatnot.
However, for folks who have never had to think about issues of gender and pronounces—since their gender is ‘visible’ to others—pronouns issues may seem overblown. But this isn’t the case for folks whose gender identity isn’t obvious at first glance. As a blogger recently wrote:
If a person has never had to worry about which pronoun others use for them, gender pronouns might not seem important. Steven says, “For most, their singular and visible gender identity is a privilege. Not everybody has this privilege; those that are referred to with the wrong pronoun can feel disrespected, invalidated, and alienated.” You can’t always tell what someone’s gender pronouns are by looking at them. Knowing and using someone’s gender pronouns is a positive way to support the people you work with.
The issue of pronouns is thus one of dignity: using the wrong pronoun to refer to someone can be like referring to someone by the wrong name. It can be insulting and disrespectful to fail to acknowledge, even in a minor way, something fundamental to someone’s identity. We can thus see why pronoun usage and declaration is important to some as it recognizes their individuality and dignity. Imagine you see yourself as a man, and yet folks around you insist on referring to you as ‘she’; you would probably find this disrespectful and rude. By declaring one’s pronouns, individuals can thereby inform others about a fundamental aspect of their identity.
The reasoning here is that by institutions and high-status folks, like celebrities, encouraging, and sometimes even requiring or pressuring, individuals to affirm their pronouns, it normalizes the practice of recognizing folks who don’t fall in conventional gender categories. And perhaps by normalizing this practice, they can get a sense of dignity and safety. And part of the effort to normalize affirming pronouns, to be inclusive and dignified, normalizes the use of non-standard pronouns, and aids in the acceptance of folks across the gender spectrum—if they and their pronouns are more accepted, then perhaps they will be safer for it. When it comes down to it, the rationale for requiring or socially pressuring the use of affirmed pronouns has to do with inclusion, dignify, and safety. Or so the argument goes.
There is, however, a serious problem lurking here: we should worry that pressuring folks to state their affirmed pronouns, either in terms of institutional rules or social pressure from high-status individuals, may potentially have dire consequences for those who fall on unconventional parts of the gender spectrum. A transwoman, by example, who doesn’t necessarily present as a woman, may put herself in danger if she gives her affirmed pronouns. If part of what motivates an effort to encourage folks to offer their affirmed pronouns is to make things safer for folks who are unconventional in their gender identity and expression—someone who is, say, gender fluid—it would be unfortunate if such an effort actually put those folks in danger. And danger isn’t the only downside of asking folks to express their pronouns. As someone writing about their personal experiences with gender and pronouns explains:
So why do many institutions and their faculty members persist in the wholesale practice of requesting pronouns on the first day of class, especially with young adults who are in the process of figuring out who they are? The result of this practice is that students whose gender presentation may not match their gender identity are forced to lie or to out themselves in a new and possibly unsafe environment, while those who are unsure of their gender identity are made to feel uncomfortable and forced to choose a pronoun.
Just by pressuring or requiring someone to provide their pronouns may not only put them in physical danger, but it may force them to pick a pronoun they aren’t sure about. It isn’t always clear to someone what their identity is, right off the bat; gender identity can be a complicated thing that takes time to unfold. The point is we should be careful not to confuse intentions and outcomes: even if we think that normalizing the stating of affirmed pronouns will help folks, it doesn’t mean that the outcome will be dignified. Such efforts may end up harming the very individuals and groups we aim to benefit.
It’s insulting and disrespectful to allow any man, at any time, and for any reason to steal my 10 year old daughters’, and my own, immutable and meaningful biological identity, invade our private spaces naked, and steal her hard earned athletic opportunities.
I don’t care what adults do to themselves, and for years I was willing to respect pronouns so long as that wasn’t misconstrued as denying immutable reality. The activist have put an end to those days. I am as offended by men trying to bully me into saying she/ her and as Black people would be to let my blonde hair blue eyed self to claim I’m Black, and steal all the affirmative action preferences without any of the hassle of actually being Black would be. And I’m just as willing to respect one’s gender “identity” as the NAACP is to respect my racial “identity” as Black.