To Josie, my wife
A tribute to my amazing wife and best friend
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Each day through my window I watch her as she passes by
I say to myself, "You're such a lucky guy"
To have a girl like her is truly a dream come true
Out of all the fellows in the world, she belongs to you
—The Temptations, ‘Just My Imagination’
To Josie,
When we first met in 2014, I had no idea the future I was in store for. Graduate school was challenging, and worse pretty lonely. A big part of that was no doubt partly due to a challenging and emotionally fraught childhood, but also because it was hard being on the East Coast, far from my Sacramento home and everyone I loved. At that point in my life, for a host of reasons, including a relatively recent breakup, I was emotionally and spiritually broken.
Our first date was rocky. I thought she was beautiful and fun, but it didn’t feel quite right. Looking back, I needed more time to heal. I remember feeling overwhelmed and not ready for something serious. And it was for the best. The second date didn’t go much better. I recall shortly after that date mentally resigning myself to the single life. And after a few more sporadic dates that didn’t go well, and a rocky, short lived relationship, the single life became my norm.
A few years later, in early 2017, a series of events got my attention and forced me to take steps to improve my life. I lost weight, stopped drinking, started eating better, and exercising regularly. Slowly, but surely—despite many doubts and the regular urge to quit—I pushed through. Day in and day out, the chipping away at my past self slowly paid off. By that point, I had forgotten about anything resembling romance or dating.
In the summer of 2018, I was finishing up the dissertation and moving to a new place by the university for the Fall semester. Because of that, I stayed with my mom for the summer (in California). The time gave me an opportunity to continue improving and to spend quality time with my family until the Fall semester began in late August. By that time, I had realized I was ready to find my wife—though with plenty of work left to do. I even said a prayer midway through the summer that I was ready and open to finding my wife, whoever she was.
In less than a day after that prayer, Josie re-entered the picture. I recently reactivated my dating profile and began looking a prospective wife with an open heart. And we ended up liking each other on the app. After many conversations and, despite my initial hesitation, we hit it off. I saw a side of her I hadn't before. And I realized Josie was a remarkable woman: smart, funny, curious, sweet, and beautiful. How did I miss it? Did she not show it to me? Was I not ready to see it? Who knows. In any case, the third time was the charm.
Fast forward a bit. I finished my doctorate and was teaching philosophy at several colleges. Josie and I were engaged and living together—I proposed about a year after we got serious, and she accepted. Unfortunately, it was right before the Covid pandemic. And despite the bad that came out of the pandemic, one good thing is that we lived through the lockdowns and the pandemic—delaying our wedding by a year or so—and we didn’t kill each other. Of course, we had spats and arguments like anyone would, but nothing terrible or worrying.
Throughout that time, Josie helped me survive and grow during my last year of graduate school, the pandemic, the academic job market during the pandemic, several moves, and more stressors than I care to count. She has patiently loved me through emotions and triggers I didn’t, and sometimes still do not, understand. And through it all, she retains her heart, sense of humor, and intelligence.
I am lucky to have such an amazing partner in life. And I shudder to think of just how close I came to missing the diamond in the rough that is her. A diamond whose glitter caught my eye, like an almost overlooked first edition at a used bookstore. I am lucky. The thought of missing out on Josie—of the path not taken—brings to mind perhaps one of the saddest songs I know (recently featured in the first season of Better Call Saul), especially this part:
Address unknown, oh, how could I be so blind
To think that you would never be hard to find?
From the place of your birth to the ends of the Earth
I've searched only to find, only to find
Address unknown
To my wonderful wife, Josie: Happy Valentines day! I'm so glad we found each other. May we never tempt the gods of separation again!
Josie is also a wonderful Daughter-In!!
Oh, my heart 💜 how lucky I am to have such a humble, grateful husband who gives all he can and brings out the best in me. You are more than I ever hoped to want. I love you!